Dismantle the Wall and reassemble it around wherever the new Palestine is! Already, softening agents have been smeared over the top few storeys and a ‘droop’ should be detectable early next year.Meanwhile, the demented team that designed and developed it proposes a smaller clone close by. Just landed my first nimby-pamby gig with a campaign group, the Thames Televisual Preservation Society.They are strongly against a proposed Enchanted Forest Bridge across the river, even though it has been designed by ultra-hip edificeur Henry Giggleswick AND Joanna Lumley likes it. ‘There. ‘Not if you get another round in, son. Opponents say it’s stupid to block views of London with a suspended forest, regardless of any carbon rebalancing, monkeys, or Gruffalo-themed retail opportunities.It’s in the wrong place, is their point. Everybody wants a piece of the ‘oh, it would be so much better THERE’ action.Already, the Royal Institute for the Pop-Uption of British Architects has announced a competition to ‘solve Israel-Palestine using nimby-pamby methodology and scrupulous attention to both sides of the debate. We can move to another table if you like…’TUESDAY Bingo. Have your say
You must sign in to make a comment. NB in the absence of one side of the debate the other side may give a brief summary of their opponents’ argument, remember it is vitally important to keep the momentum going…’By close of business I’ve sketched out a solution which — while acknowledging the right of Palestine to exist, and applauding the tenacity of generations of farmers in cultivating their notional ‘Palestinian’ identity — relocates Palestine to a less contentious area of the Middle East or Germany or wherever, ask the UN, they’re always going on about all this.This nimby-pambification would then leave Israel free at last to develop the Gaza Strip and the West Bank, thereby creating billions of pounds worth of ethical contracts for architects, philosophers, artists and other consultants thinking outside the…wait! Cultural continuity!THURSDAY ‘Dancing the nimbo-pambo’ to a very familiar tune today. My colleagues in Space Avengers, the urban guerilla group sworn to lop London’s skyline down to Gherkin level, are keener than ever to sabotage the Shard. Ian Martin lands his first nimby-pamby gig
MONDAY Wow, I think my fixer Rock Steady Eddie has found the nichest of all niches. Nimby-pamby an egregious slab of contemporary Nordic built noir away from Cheltenham to a more appreciative context near the Old Street roundabout. Nimby Pamby ‘A’ 3, Nimby Pamby ‘B’ 4, after a last-minute transfer.SUNDAY Nimby-pamby self to recliner. This residential offshoot would be a ‘vertical town but without any state school types’.Of course I’m happy to oblige and by teatime I’ve banged out a masterplan a) commending the design of the Ickle Shard but also b) recommending it be shoved up the arse of the larger one, so that nobody can actually see it.FRIDAY Suggest devolving Manchester even further by relocating it between Glasgow and Edinburgh.
